Playoffs?! Don’t talk about playoffs! Are you kidding me? Playoffs?! I’m just hoping we can win a game, another game!

9 Dec


I would like to congratulate the following teams for clinching their division title and securing their playoff spot.


B1G-1 Division Champions – Empire State Furry Ferrets

Magnum East Division Champions – Crooked Senators

Willy West Division Champions – NJ Gunslingers

Wrap Dillz Division Champions – Hopelawn Maulers



Furry Ferrets (10-3)  – Following the DAFL draft, experts predicted the Ferrets to end the season as the 11th ranked team. Selecting Adrian Peterson was a big gamble following his iSpank scandal. Losing their 1st game to defending DAFL Champs, Las Desnudas, only strengthened the expert’s prediction of a potential dismal season. They are the 2nd highest scoring team in the league, #2 in breakdown rating, and #2 in Power ranks. Impressive considering they are in the #1 Division, producing a League Championship 3 years straight.  Back in September, Jadi and Kimberly were seen laughing at the end of draft. Making fun of everyone’s picks including Gore, the Ferret’s 3rd pick.

Hopelawn Mawlers (10-3) – GM has the ability to draft a winning team via his cell phone every year. Pound for Pound, GM Santiago is the best GM in the DAFL. More than any other owner, the Mawlers have put up a perfect lineups 3 times this year. Their first rounder, Andrew Luck, was considered #1 quarterback going into the draft. His luck says otherwise and his fantasy points are way below what was predicted. The Mauler’s QB situation is volatile at best. The city of Hopelawn will ride the coattails of Winston which might be riskier than having unsafe sex with Kimberly.

NJ Gunslingers (9-4) – The Gunslingers return to the DAFL in 2015 proves anyone can take time off and still be a winner in this league. The most vocal of all the division winners, Mad Mike has been renamed to Daddy Jadi. The Gunslingers are led by Demaryuis Thomas and Eric Decker at WR. Their #1 draft pick Matt Forte has been plagued with injuries but their backups have picked up the pieces. Although they are the 3rd seeded team, experts predict they will go down in to Balmoris and his Big Ole Man Tities…Down goes Kramer. 3 of their losses suffered during the season were against teams with a combined record of 13-23. The Gunslingers have scored a total of 1319 this year and are ranked #5 in the power rankings.

Crooked Senators (8-5)  – The 4th seeded Senators are moonwalking into the Playoffs. Mr. Marenco proves that you can win with injured players on your starting lineup. You can bypass the fact that they are in a “Sisters of Mary” type division, worst in DAFL history with a combined record of 14-22 and lowest combined Points scored at 3258. You can ignore the fact that Wilson is the starting QB and that LeGarrette Blount is their starting RB. Their 2nd highest scorer in their team is their DST. Experts predict the senators will be eliminated in the 1st round. Once you are in, you have a shot. Being an underdog has never bother Julio and apparently this holds true with the voters of North Bergen.



Suck My Woodhead (8-5) – Considered by “ALL” experts as the most dangerous team in the DAFL. They lead everyone in Power Ranking and have an unprecedented #1 Breakdown rank with a record of 96-36. These GloryHole advocates are the highest scorer in the league at 1350 points. The fact that they are a wildcard team is a mystery. NJ Gunslingers should consider themselves lucky on this one. We expect them to cruise over the Senators in the first round.

Big Ole TDs (7-6) – Win Fatty Win. Coach Balls sneaks his way into the playoffs by beating division rival coach Reyes. Allot was at stake between these 2 lovebirds. All the DAFL experts agreed that statistically, BOT is the better team and rightfully made it in. They are the 2nd highest scoring team in the DAFL but their downfall is the Points against, they are 2nd in the league when it comes to getting smacked up by opponents. BOT won the DAFL Championship in 2013 and were 2nd place losers in 2014. Coach Hurtado and his fat avengers have lots to prove.


LOSER BOWL aka iSuck Playoffs:

North Bergen Desnudas (6-7) – The defending DAFL champions, Las Desnudas aka the Naked Kabana Boys, missed the playoffs by 10 points. It is a game of inches and in this case, Hugo and his band of naked seamen were short by 3600 inches. Manny Torres has expressed some relief, the only back-to-back DAFL Champion will keep his historical bookmark intact for now. Rumors have circulated that the Desnudas are researching a new franchise name. Our sources have heard the following options, “Amor de Raton” , “Sin Condom”, and “The North Bergen Settlers”. Now the Settlers are not because of any Pilgrim type crap, for name reference please see this:

HoboKnights (5-8) –  Not even an act of the gods can save the Hoboken franchise. Commissioner Sierchio has been quite the entire season. To make ends meet, Kimberly started working the night shift at the McDonalds on Time Square. They look to regain some honor by making a run at the Toilet Bowl $20 prize this year.

Miami Hustling (4-9) – Guess the experts were wrong about the Hustlers. DAFL experts predicted they would be the team to beat but in fact were bitch slapped more often than not. In Juan’s defense, he had a good bunch playing for his franchise but it is hard to win when everyone outscores you. They have the league’s highest PSA (points scored against) them at 1361.

Hudson JizzWax (4-9) – It’s not easy being Jadi. The most hated owner has been quite throughout the year. We miss Jadi’s obscene articles about Cumberly and his comeback remarks. Did he really just say that? It has been a very quiet and boring DAFL season. The Jizz have never won a DAFL championship, never held the trophy, and have never been to Disneyland. The mighty Jizz lost their cock pump in 2015 but still have a chance to make something happen in the Loser Bowl.

Discount Belichick (4-9) – Once a dynasty team, now they push carts for a living. Considering his running back squad, Manny did an OK job winning four tough games. However, it is hard to win when your RB’s are averaging 6 points per game. Perhaps Manny should have taken some notes from Julio and autodrafted his way into the playoffs.

You Bet Thank You (3-10) – This has been a heart breaking year for Henry. Perhaps it was his new job at Best Buy/ Geek Squad that took all his time? Perhaps Jadi rubbed some of his bad luck on Henry’s lips? This could explain Henry’s attitude, he did show some signs of aggression this season with his Jadi-like comments. Whatever the reason, you can’t win if you are not scoring more than your opponent. YBTY is the lowest scoring team in the league. Good Luck in Best Buy!


It was a great season. If you owe money, please pay the $140 entry fee immediately. I hate asking for the money. If you are not sure on your financial status, please click on the finances tab. It is up to date.





2015 DAFL League Address

11 Jun

Greetings Fellow GM’s:

After an exciting 2014 season resulting in a Desnudas league championship, I bring you the 2015 State of the League Address.

First thing first, if you plan on leaving the DAFL, please advise ASAP so we can fill the spot.


This is up in the air. Last year some of us met at Juice’s apartment. Kimberly brought some delicious mortadella and motz which must become a standard


Proposed Draft Dates

MONDAY, AUGUST 31st @ 7:30 PM




Please respond on which day DOES NOT work for you. Once I hear from everyone I will choose the best date that works for the majority of GM’s.


Note that the NFL season begins on Thursday, September 10th…..Pittsburgh @ New England.



Assuming that Kimberly’s food stamps are still coming in, our budget this year’s budget will be slightly higher.


DAFL Flat Fee:                                 $120

Sportsline League Renewal:       $149.99 ($12.50 per team)

Toilet Bowl Payout :                      $20            ($1.67 per team)

Other (DAFL Bank):                         $60.00     ($5.00 per team)


Total Entry Fee – rounding to     $140


140 x 12 =                         $1,440.00

– 149.99

–   20.00

–   60.00


Total payout:                                  $1,210,00


75% or $907.50 to the DAFL Champion rounding to $905

25% or $302.07 to the runner-up rounding to $300

***note: if anyone has problems with the increase, please let me know. If multiple owners complain, I will adjust accordingly***



Rule Change: DRAFT ORDER

This year the draft re-ordering will only be hit once. Received lots of complaints about the 3x order. However, having an eyewitness while the commissioner does it is still mandatory.

Last year we did an experiment by charging $1.00 extra per transaction, ie waiver wire/trades, etc. Although there was no charge for the transactions, the extra amount gained was in the significant. The extra money can be used to increase the winnings, spread some money back to division champs, or whatever. More importantly, it will add a level of maturity to our waiver wire process. If you want a player bad enough, it may cost you $1.

 I propose we add a small fee to the waiver wire only. We could vote on implementing it as well as agree on the amount. Fee can be anywhere from .25¢ to $1.00 per waiver wire move.

 Any questions on this or any of the rules let me know or you can check all the rules, scoring system and the DAFL Constitution on the site under the League Home link then League details link on the drop down.



I will be purchasing the league for the 2015 season and will be sending out a draft as soon as I have another member from the league next to me. I will click the “reset draft order” button only once so the first notice you get will be the official draft order.

I have updated your team’s trophy case for 2014’s division and league titles. Go to the League Home tab then the History tab then Years tab to click the specific year you would like to review. The site has also updated league records which you can also find in the History tab.

Email me with any input or ideas you may have, or remind me of something I forgot to cover and let me know what draft day DOES NOT work for you.


Thank you,



DAFL Commissioner

GM – The Furriest of the Ferrets



2014 DAFL Season | XIV Championship Breakdown & Payout

3 Feb

Tuesday, February 3rd, 2015
Attention: Juice

2014 DAFL Season | XIV Championship Breakdown & Payout

Congratulations for advancing and excelling through the 2014 Post season. As part of the XIV DAFL Championship, you are entitled to eternal bragging rights as well as a monetary prize. Please see breakdown below.

$1436.22 collected for 12 DAFL subscriptions ($120.00 x 11 Teams + $116.22/JM, he was short $3.78). Below is the breakdown of fees:

  • $48.00 Trophy Fee. Reoccurring fee covers DAFL trophy cost of approximately $400 ($4 per team)
  • $160.00 Commissioner annual fee ($13.33 per team)
  • $20.00 Toilet Bowl Champion payout. Deduct $3.78 (2014), deduct 10 (for all the yrs he paid minus $1 of the total fee every year – Crooked Senators ($1.67 per team)
  • $20.00 Plaque fee. Engraved plaque with DAFL Champion to be added to trophy ($1.67 per team)

The Math: 48.00 + 160.00 + 20.00 + 20.00 = $248
The Pot: $1436 – $248 = $1188 (This $1188 will be divided between 1st and 2nd place winner)

DAFL Championship XIV Breakdown 1st Place:
75% of $1188 = $891.00 for Las Desnudas / Juice
DAFL Championship XIV Breakdown 2nd Place: 25% of $1188 = $297.00 for Big Ole TDs / Bal H

Loss/Owed Money: JM owes the DAFL $3.78 this season for only paying $116.22, As a result, he owes Juice $2.83 and Bal $.94 . You can contact Dog the Bounty Hunter He requires a $3k down payment.

Trophy: Hand made in Brooklyn by, The DAFL trophy known as “The Hubba Bubba”, is displayed in the DAFL Headquarters located in North Bergen. If the Champion would like to hold the trophy during the offseason, $105 deposit is required. This partially protects the league in the event of damage or total loss of the trophy. The entire deposit will be returned to the Champion at the draft in exchange for the trophy.

Thank You for participating in the DAFL. See you next season.


DAFL Commissioner | Owner of Furry Ferrets
2012 DAFL Champions | DAFL BLOG |
Support your local Ferret rescue

New team – Push Cart Eddie

29 Jul

PushCart Eddie


New Team – Push Cart Eddie

29 Jul

2013 DAFL Post Season- Round 1

5 Dec

2013 DAFL Post Season (ROUND 1):
#1 The Hudson JiZZwax – 1st round BYE
#2 Big Ole TD’s – 1st round BYE
#3 NB Attica vs #6 Hopelawn Maulers
#4 You Bet Thank You vs #5 NJ Gunslingers

2013 TOILET BOWL -aka- Loser’s Challenge- Post Season (ROUND 1)
#7 Furry Ferrets – 1st round BYE
#8 Chinas Latinas – 1st round BYE
#9 HoboKnights vs #12 Crooked Senators
#10 Las Desnudas vs #11 Miami Hustling

2013 DAFL Post Season and a side of Thanks

5 Dec

Playoffs are on the way and we are seeing a 20% increase in DAFL profits when compared to last year. Here are some of the stats and facts collected through the season:

• Trash talking is on the rise again
• More owners are logging into our portal and spending more time on the site
• Everyone hates Jadi. However, Jadi understands DAFL’s mission, Trash Talk now. Say Sorry Never. Bravo. Now resume your Jim Kelly ways
• Kimberly is slacking as a commissioner and even more as the GM of the HoboKnights
• Manny proved once again he is a Fantasy genius after drafting what experts called the worst draft in DAFL history. He also has the best one liner comebacks when trash talking
• Balmoris’ 1st round pick, Jamaal Charles is the 2nd highest scorer among all 1st rounders. The team should be called Charles in Charge
• Juice likes to donate money to the DAFL once again based on his team’s record. Reminder to all, we are NOT a 501(c) corporation. That’s a nonprofit company for all you dummies
• Henry team is moon walking their way into the playoffs but I predict he will go farther than expected
• Julio failed to setup his lineup but still managed to kill the Ferret’s playoff hopes
• NJ Gunslingers are shooting blanks. They manage to make the playoffs even after losing 3 in a row
• Maulers have the technology to draft a decent team even from their mobile device. Luck or Autodraft?
• Has anyone heard from Juan?

It has been emotionally difficult year for several of our owners. Hope you are doing well. My thoughts are with you and your family. It puts life in perspective. I know we rag on each other during the season, just like big brothers do to their lesbian counterpart. However, you showed your true colors when it mattered. Our foundation has always been, “Trash Talk first..say Sorry NEVER” . Regardless, who would of guessed that a group of Dirty Animals would support one another? I would like to say Thank You from my side of the fence. Truly appreciate all that you’ve done. The phone calls, text messages, the visits to my house, allowing us to sleep in your house while we slowly transition back home, and just letting me cry without making fun of me. I’ve learned that some events can transform your life forever. Change it all in a blink of an eye. These events are daunting and truly test your will to live.
Although it has only been a few months since the season started, it feels like forever and a day. The night we met with Kimberly, Juice, and Martha (non DAFL owner at the time) regarding the 2013 DAFL season feels like a lifetime ago. I didn’t have it in my heart to run it and thought about shutting down the operations for the season or even longer. Juice and Kimberly thought otherwise. Kimberly paid for the league package out of her own pocket and took over the reins as Commissioner. She collected the monies from you and harassed you when given due cause. Kim is no Ferret but she does well for being a woman. Thank you Kimberly, I appreciate your help. All owners please take a second and thank her as well. It wasn’t an easy task…She Cowboy’d up in order to move forward. Guess her man crush with Jason Witten has finally paid off.


The regular season has come and gone and this upcoming week begins our post season play.

I will send a warm congrats out to myself for being the defending DAFL Champion. A hand is currently patting my back…..That’s enough Kim. We won’t be able to defend it this year but hopefully I will see you in the Dos Amigos Bowl.

Congratulations to Big Ole TD’s for winning the newly named B1G-1 Division; North Bergen Attica for being able to survive in a 400 square foot apartment with wife, 2 kids, 100 pound dog, Cuban parents and still manage to win the Magnum East Division; Hudson JiZZ for winning the Welfare Division as he predicted following the draft; You Bet Thank You for being in the absolute worst division in the DAFL. This Division might be re-named the Big East.

Going into week 13, five teams were battling it out for the 2 wild card spots. The Ferrets – 5th highest scoring team in the league, Chinas Latinas – thanks to their great waiver wire pickups, HoboKnights – always in the mix, Gunslingers, and the Hopelawn Maulers. Gunslinger and Hopelawn won when it mattered so therefore they qualify as Wildcard teams (7-6 record). The first tie-breaker is Power Ranking. The NJ Gunslingers have the highest power ranking of the two.

DAFL Post Season: 
#1: The Hudson JiZZwax – 1st round BYE
#2: Big Ole TD’s – 1st round BYE
#3: NB Attica
#4: You Bet Thank You
#5: NJ Gunslingers
#6: Hopelawn Maulers

TOILET BOWL Post Season: 
#1: Furry Ferrets – 1st round BYE
#2: Chinas Latinas – 1st round BYE
#3: HoboKnights
#4: Las Desnudas
#5: Miami Hustling
#6: Crooked Senators

Winner of DAFL Championship vs Winner of Toilet Bowl

So some things to keep in mind going forward:

For the DAFL playoffs, bye week teams are to set their starting lineup as if they were playing. This is because in the event of a tie in the playoffs, the cumulative total of points scored by that each team to date is the first tie breaker.

Second and most important, ALL TEAMS COMPETING FOR THE TOILET BOWL are prohibited from ANY waiver wire or add drops from here on in. Any waiver or add drop move of any kind will result in immediate disqualification.
Meaning you simply go with the players you have on your roster regardless of if they are hurt or not.

Best of luck to all in the playoffs.