New team – Push Cart Eddie

29 Jul

PushCart Eddie

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New Team – Push Cart Eddie

29 Jul

2013 DAFL Post Season- Round 1

5 Dec

2013 DAFL Post Season (ROUND 1):
#1 The Hudson JiZZwax – 1st round BYE
#2 Big Ole TD’s – 1st round BYE
#3 NB Attica vs #6 Hopelawn Maulers
#4 You Bet Thank You vs #5 NJ Gunslingers

2013 TOILET BOWL -aka- Loser’s Challenge- Post Season (ROUND 1)
#7 Furry Ferrets – 1st round BYE
#8 Chinas Latinas – 1st round BYE
#9 HoboKnights vs #12 Crooked Senators
#10 Las Desnudas vs #11 Miami Hustling

2013 DAFL Post Season and a side of Thanks

5 Dec

Playoffs are on the way and we are seeing a 20% increase in DAFL profits when compared to last year. Here are some of the stats and facts collected through the season:

• Trash talking is on the rise again
• More owners are logging into our portal and spending more time on the site
• Everyone hates Jadi. However, Jadi understands DAFL’s mission, Trash Talk now. Say Sorry Never. Bravo. Now resume your Jim Kelly ways
• Kimberly is slacking as a commissioner and even more as the GM of the HoboKnights
• Manny proved once again he is a Fantasy genius after drafting what experts called the worst draft in DAFL history. He also has the best one liner comebacks when trash talking
• Balmoris’ 1st round pick, Jamaal Charles is the 2nd highest scorer among all 1st rounders. The team should be called Charles in Charge
• Juice likes to donate money to the DAFL once again based on his team’s record. Reminder to all, we are NOT a 501(c) corporation. That’s a nonprofit company for all you dummies
• Henry team is moon walking their way into the playoffs but I predict he will go farther than expected
• Julio failed to setup his lineup but still managed to kill the Ferret’s playoff hopes
• NJ Gunslingers are shooting blanks. They manage to make the playoffs even after losing 3 in a row
• Maulers have the technology to draft a decent team even from their mobile device. Luck or Autodraft?
• Has anyone heard from Juan?

BACK TO REALITY: 
It has been emotionally difficult year for several of our owners. Hope you are doing well. My thoughts are with you and your family. It puts life in perspective. I know we rag on each other during the season, just like big brothers do to their lesbian counterpart. However, you showed your true colors when it mattered. Our foundation has always been, “Trash Talk first..say Sorry NEVER” . Regardless, who would of guessed that a group of Dirty Animals would support one another? I would like to say Thank You from my side of the fence. Truly appreciate all that you’ve done. The phone calls, text messages, the visits to my house, allowing us to sleep in your house while we slowly transition back home, and just letting me cry without making fun of me. I’ve learned that some events can transform your life forever. Change it all in a blink of an eye. These events are daunting and truly test your will to live.
Although it has only been a few months since the season started, it feels like forever and a day. The night we met with Kimberly, Juice, and Martha (non DAFL owner at the time) regarding the 2013 DAFL season feels like a lifetime ago. I didn’t have it in my heart to run it and thought about shutting down the operations for the season or even longer. Juice and Kimberly thought otherwise. Kimberly paid for the league package out of her own pocket and took over the reins as Commissioner. She collected the monies from you and harassed you when given due cause. Kim is no Ferret but she does well for being a woman. Thank you Kimberly, I appreciate your help. All owners please take a second and thank her as well. It wasn’t an easy task…She Cowboy’d up in order to move forward. Guess her man crush with Jason Witten has finally paid off.

BACK TO BUSINESS and THE POST SEASON: 

The regular season has come and gone and this upcoming week begins our post season play.

I will send a warm congrats out to myself for being the defending DAFL Champion. A hand is currently patting my back…..That’s enough Kim. We won’t be able to defend it this year but hopefully I will see you in the Dos Amigos Bowl.

Congratulations to Big Ole TD’s for winning the newly named B1G-1 Division; North Bergen Attica for being able to survive in a 400 square foot apartment with wife, 2 kids, 100 pound dog, Cuban parents and still manage to win the Magnum East Division; Hudson JiZZ for winning the Welfare Division as he predicted following the draft; You Bet Thank You for being in the absolute worst division in the DAFL. This Division might be re-named the Big East.

Going into week 13, five teams were battling it out for the 2 wild card spots. The Ferrets – 5th highest scoring team in the league, Chinas Latinas – thanks to their great waiver wire pickups, HoboKnights – always in the mix, Gunslingers, and the Hopelawn Maulers. Gunslinger and Hopelawn won when it mattered so therefore they qualify as Wildcard teams (7-6 record). The first tie-breaker is Power Ranking. The NJ Gunslingers have the highest power ranking of the two.

DAFL Post Season: 
#1: The Hudson JiZZwax – 1st round BYE
#2: Big Ole TD’s – 1st round BYE
#3: NB Attica
#4: You Bet Thank You
#5: NJ Gunslingers
#6: Hopelawn Maulers

TOILET BOWL Post Season: 
#1: Furry Ferrets – 1st round BYE
#2: Chinas Latinas – 1st round BYE
#3: HoboKnights
#4: Las Desnudas
#5: Miami Hustling
#6: Crooked Senators

DOS AMIGOS BOWL
Winner of DAFL Championship vs Winner of Toilet Bowl

So some things to keep in mind going forward:

For the DAFL playoffs, bye week teams are to set their starting lineup as if they were playing. This is because in the event of a tie in the playoffs, the cumulative total of points scored by that each team to date is the first tie breaker.

Second and most important, ALL TEAMS COMPETING FOR THE TOILET BOWL are prohibited from ANY waiver wire or add drops from here on in. Any waiver or add drop move of any kind will result in immediate disqualification.
Meaning you simply go with the players you have on your roster regardless of if they are hurt or not.

Best of luck to all in the playoffs.

Draft Recap

26 Aug

Begin forwarded message:

From: DAFL <dirtyafl.1428>
Date: August 26, 2013, 5:15:49 AM EDT
To: dirtyafl.1428
Subject: Draft Recap

Draft Recap
Draft Recap

Master Drafter

When the dust settled from the draft, Hopelawn Maulers were left on top. Their starters project out to score more points than any other team this year. Coach Efrain Santiago made some savvy pickups in Michael Floyd, Bernard Pierce, and Roddy White. Floyd was Hopelawn Maulers’ best pick in the draft, adding the expected value of a pick taken 27 spots earlier.

The Matt Millen Award Goes To…

Coach Kimberly Sierchio might want to ask Coach Efrain Santiago for some help next year, as their starting squad is ranked dead last in expected points. Coach Sierchio reached for several players, including Jermichael Finley, Torrey Smith, and Colin Kaepernick. Kaepernick was HoboKnights’ worst pick in the draft, taken 32 spots ahead of what his projections suggest.

Tale of Two Drafts

Coach Francia Delgado was apparently saving their good picks for last. While they ranked 11th in expected value added during the first half of the draft, they ranked 2nd over the last 8 picks. In the first half, Coach Delgado reached for several players, including Matthew Stafford and the 49ers defense. They turned things around in the second half with picks like Tavon Austin, who was rated as the best pick in the draft.

Plenty In Reserve

Empire State Furry Ferrets has a good group of starters, who project out to be the 6th highest scoring group. Their real strength might be in their bench however, which is the best in the league. Empire State Furry Ferrets’ bench is stocked with solid backups like Ahmad Bradshaw, BenJarvus Green-Ellis, Eli Manning, and Lance Moore. Manning rates as the best backup quarterback in the league.

Well Aged Vintage

Crooked Senators have to be hoping that experience is going to make the difference, as they ended up with the oldest team in the draft. Their squad includes such long-in-the-tooth folks like Phil Dawson (38), Tom Brady (36), and Steve Smith (34). That strategy didn’t really pay off, as Crooked Senators are projected to have the 4th worst starting lineup in the league.

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DAFL 2013 League of Address

30 Jul

Greetings Fellow GM’s:

After an exciting 2012 season culminating in a Furry Ferret league championship, I bring you the 2013 DAFL State of the League Address. Please read entire email including the Rules section.

DRAFT

I am proposing three (3) dates for the 2013 DAFL DRAFT:
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 21ST @ 9:00 PM
TUESDAY, AUGUST 27TH @ 9:00 PM
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 4TH @ 9:00 PM
DRAFT LOCATION

Kimberly, our Commisionette, has wanted to host a live draft for as long as I can remember. However, some of you fools continuously arrive late and delay the draft start time. With that being said, we will resume the online draft on the majority agreed upon date. Please respond on which day DOES NOT work for you. Once I hear from everyone I will choose the best date that works for the majority of GM’s. Note that the NFL season begins on Thursday, September 5th.
DRAFT CONFERENCE CALL

I will open the conference bridge during the draft. This way your complaints can be heard immediately by the commissioners and other GMs. Conference bridge is optional and will remain open as needed.
Call (712) 432-0220

Follow the prompts to join a call

Enter PIN 4320220 followed by pound (#)

BUDGET

This year’s budget is as follows:

DAFL Flat Fee: $85

Sportsline League Renewal: $159.99 – $13.33 per team

Toilet Bowl Payout : $20 – $1.67 per team

Other (awards related): $7.00 per team

DAFL Breakdown and Payout for 2012 season

12 Feb

2012 DAFL Season

XIII Championship Breakdown & Payout

Congratulations for advancing through the 2012 Post season. As part of the XIII DAFL Championship, you are entitled to eternal bragging rights as well as a monetary prize. Please see breakdown below.

$1255 collected for 12 DAFL subscriptions ($105.00 x 11 Teams + $100.00/MimoRonga, he was short $5). Below is the breakdown of fees:

· $60.00 Trophy Fee ($5 per team) This fee will re-occur every year to cover DAFL trophy cost of approx $400

· $179.99 CBSSPORTS.com Commissioner annual fee ($15 per team)

· $72.00 T-shirts ($6 per team. The commissioner covers the remaining balance as a gracious gift)

· $20.00 Toilet Bowl Champion payout – Juice from Las Desnudas (approx $1.67 per team)

· $20.00 Plaque fee. Plaque will be engraved with DAFL Champion. Engraved plaque will be added to Trophy ($1.67 per team). This fee will be waived this year. Commissioner will cover this fee..don’t get used to it

The Math: 60.00 – 179.99 – 72.00 – 20.00 – 20.00 = $332.00

The Pot: $1255 – $332 = $923 (This $923 will be divided between 1st and 2nd place winner)

DAFL Championship XIII Breakdown 1st Place: 75% of $923 = $692.25 for Furry Ferrets / JP

DAFL Championship XIII Breakdown 2nd Place: 25% of $923 = $230.75 for Heebie Geebies / MT
Note: $105 will be deducted from your total winnings to cover your entry fee. Your new total $125.75

Commissioner Payout = Zero

Loss/Owed Money: MimoRonga owes the DAFL $5 this season for only paying $100.00. As a result, he owes JP $3.75 and MT $1.25. You can contact Dog the Bounty Hunter @dogthebountyhunter.com. He requires a $3k down payment.

Trophy: Hand made in Brooklyn by fantasytrophies.com, The DAFL trophy known as “The Hubba Bubba”, is displayed in the DAFL Headquarters located in North Bergen. If the Champion would like to hold the trophy during the offseason, $105 deposit is required. This partially protects the league in the event of damage or total loss of the trophy. The entire deposit will be returned to the Champion at the draft in exchange for the trophy.

Thank You for participating in the DAFL. See you next season.

Sincerely,

JP
Dirty Animal Football League
DAFL Champions 2012

Commissioner | Jairo.Paredes
DAFL BLOG | https://dafl.wordpress.com

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