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25 April, 2017 09:27

25 Apr
Mark Brownlee

2016 DAFL Season | XIV Championship Breakdown & Payout

16 Mar

Thursday, March 16th, 2017


2016 DAFL Season | XVI Championship Breakdown & Payout

Congratulations for advancing and excelling through the 2016 Post season. As part of the XVI DAFL Championship, you are entitled to eternal bragging rights as well as a monetary prize. Please see breakdown below.

1st Place goes to Jairo, GM of the Empire State Furry Ferrets
2nd Place goes to Marco, GM of Suck My Woodhead

Score: FF 144.8 to SMW 90.7

$1680 collected for 12 DAFL subscriptions ($140.00 x 12 Teams). Below is the breakdown of fees:

  • $25.00 Trophy Plaque Fee. Reoccurring fee covers DAFL trophy cost and new plaques engraved
  • $159.99 Commissioner annual fee ($13.33 per team)
  • $0.00 Toilet Bowl Champion payout. We normally give money to the Toilet bowl winner, not this year
  • $70.00 3rd Place. This is the first time we are doing a 3rd place prize. The 3rd place winner will win 50% back of DAFL fee. This will go to Henry of You Bet Thank You.

The Math: 25.00 + 159.99 + 0.00 + 70.00 = $254.99 (round up to $255)
The Pot: $1680 – $255= $1425 (This will be divided between 1st and 2nd place winner)

DAFL Championship X
VI Breakdown 1st Place: 75% of $1425 = $1068.75 for Furry Ferrets
DAFL Championship XIV Breakdown 2nd Place: 25% of $1425 = $356.25 for Suck My Woodhead

Trophy: Hand made in Brooklyn by, The DAFL trophy known as “The Hubba Bubba”, is displayed in the DAFL Headquarters located in North Bergen NJ. Jadi has yet to have his name printed on this trophy.

Thank You for participating in the DAFL. See you next season.

All the best, oh yeah, I am your daddy,

DAFL Commissioner | Owner of Furry Ferrets
2012 DAFL Champions
2016 DAFL Champions

Support your local Ferret rescue

2016 Ultimate Winner – Ferrets win it all

28 Dec


David Johnson and Empire State Furry Ferrets win it all..

It’s all over now but the crying. Empire State Furry Ferrets gave Suck My WoodHead a 144.8 to 90.7 point drubbing. Empire State Furry Ferrets’ win ended Suck My WoodHead’s three game winning streak.

Empire State Furry Ferrets ended their triumphant season at 10 – 5. Suck My WoodHead will close their 2016 campaign at 11 – 4.

David Johnson and Travis Kelce were the prime movers for Empire State Furry Ferrets, delivering 29.6 and 22 points, respectively. A good performance by Kelce has been crucial for Empire State Furry Ferrets all year, as they have gone 6 – 1 when he exceeds expectations, and 2 – 4 when he doesn’t. He basically ran a three cone drill to weave through and then blow past the Denver defense for a long TD.

In addition to Johnson and Kelce, Empire State Furry Ferrets got five other good efforts, including 20.5 points from LeSean McCoy. The only real bad apple in Empire State Furry Ferrets’ orchard this week was the Bills Defense/ST, who scored 2 points. Bad performances are pretty common these days for the Bills, who have now underperformed the experts’ predictions in five straight games.

Meanwhile, Thomas Rawls stuck out as the worst performer for Suck My WoodHead, dropping only 0.8 points. Rawls is in the midst of a troubling sequence, having seen his point total fall every week for the last three weeks. Adding to their problems, Suck My WoodHead’s tight end, Vernon Davis, was the worst at his position this week.

Playoffs?! Don’t talk about playoffs! Are you kidding me? Playoffs?! I’m just hoping we can win a game, another game!

9 Dec


I would like to congratulate the following teams for clinching their division title and securing their playoff spot.


B1G-1 Division Champions – Empire State Furry Ferrets

Magnum East Division Champions – Crooked Senators

Willy West Division Champions – NJ Gunslingers

Wrap Dillz Division Champions – Hopelawn Maulers



Furry Ferrets (10-3)  – Following the DAFL draft, experts predicted the Ferrets to end the season as the 11th ranked team. Selecting Adrian Peterson was a big gamble following his iSpank scandal. Losing their 1st game to defending DAFL Champs, Las Desnudas, only strengthened the expert’s prediction of a potential dismal season. They are the 2nd highest scoring team in the league, #2 in breakdown rating, and #2 in Power ranks. Impressive considering they are in the #1 Division, producing a League Championship 3 years straight.  Back in September, Jadi and Kimberly were seen laughing at the end of draft. Making fun of everyone’s picks including Gore, the Ferret’s 3rd pick.

Hopelawn Mawlers (10-3) – GM has the ability to draft a winning team via his cell phone every year. Pound for Pound, GM Santiago is the best GM in the DAFL. More than any other owner, the Mawlers have put up a perfect lineups 3 times this year. Their first rounder, Andrew Luck, was considered #1 quarterback going into the draft. His luck says otherwise and his fantasy points are way below what was predicted. The Mauler’s QB situation is volatile at best. The city of Hopelawn will ride the coattails of Winston which might be riskier than having unsafe sex with Kimberly.

NJ Gunslingers (9-4) – The Gunslingers return to the DAFL in 2015 proves anyone can take time off and still be a winner in this league. The most vocal of all the division winners, Mad Mike has been renamed to Daddy Jadi. The Gunslingers are led by Demaryuis Thomas and Eric Decker at WR. Their #1 draft pick Matt Forte has been plagued with injuries but their backups have picked up the pieces. Although they are the 3rd seeded team, experts predict they will go down in to Balmoris and his Big Ole Man Tities…Down goes Kramer. 3 of their losses suffered during the season were against teams with a combined record of 13-23. The Gunslingers have scored a total of 1319 this year and are ranked #5 in the power rankings.

Crooked Senators (8-5)  – The 4th seeded Senators are moonwalking into the Playoffs. Mr. Marenco proves that you can win with injured players on your starting lineup. You can bypass the fact that they are in a “Sisters of Mary” type division, worst in DAFL history with a combined record of 14-22 and lowest combined Points scored at 3258. You can ignore the fact that Wilson is the starting QB and that LeGarrette Blount is their starting RB. Their 2nd highest scorer in their team is their DST. Experts predict the senators will be eliminated in the 1st round. Once you are in, you have a shot. Being an underdog has never bother Julio and apparently this holds true with the voters of North Bergen.



Suck My Woodhead (8-5) – Considered by “ALL” experts as the most dangerous team in the DAFL. They lead everyone in Power Ranking and have an unprecedented #1 Breakdown rank with a record of 96-36. These GloryHole advocates are the highest scorer in the league at 1350 points. The fact that they are a wildcard team is a mystery. NJ Gunslingers should consider themselves lucky on this one. We expect them to cruise over the Senators in the first round.

Big Ole TDs (7-6) – Win Fatty Win. Coach Balls sneaks his way into the playoffs by beating division rival coach Reyes. Allot was at stake between these 2 lovebirds. All the DAFL experts agreed that statistically, BOT is the better team and rightfully made it in. They are the 2nd highest scoring team in the DAFL but their downfall is the Points against, they are 2nd in the league when it comes to getting smacked up by opponents. BOT won the DAFL Championship in 2013 and were 2nd place losers in 2014. Coach Hurtado and his fat avengers have lots to prove.


LOSER BOWL aka iSuck Playoffs:

North Bergen Desnudas (6-7) – The defending DAFL champions, Las Desnudas aka the Naked Kabana Boys, missed the playoffs by 10 points. It is a game of inches and in this case, Hugo and his band of naked seamen were short by 3600 inches. Manny Torres has expressed some relief, the only back-to-back DAFL Champion will keep his historical bookmark intact for now. Rumors have circulated that the Desnudas are researching a new franchise name. Our sources have heard the following options, “Amor de Raton” , “Sin Condom”, and “The North Bergen Settlers”. Now the Settlers are not because of any Pilgrim type crap, for name reference please see this:

HoboKnights (5-8) –  Not even an act of the gods can save the Hoboken franchise. Commissioner Sierchio has been quite the entire season. To make ends meet, Kimberly started working the night shift at the McDonalds on Time Square. They look to regain some honor by making a run at the Toilet Bowl $20 prize this year.

Miami Hustling (4-9) – Guess the experts were wrong about the Hustlers. DAFL experts predicted they would be the team to beat but in fact were bitch slapped more often than not. In Juan’s defense, he had a good bunch playing for his franchise but it is hard to win when everyone outscores you. They have the league’s highest PSA (points scored against) them at 1361.

Hudson JizzWax (4-9) – It’s not easy being Jadi. The most hated owner has been quite throughout the year. We miss Jadi’s obscene articles about Cumberly and his comeback remarks. Did he really just say that? It has been a very quiet and boring DAFL season. The Jizz have never won a DAFL championship, never held the trophy, and have never been to Disneyland. The mighty Jizz lost their cock pump in 2015 but still have a chance to make something happen in the Loser Bowl.

Discount Belichick (4-9) – Once a dynasty team, now they push carts for a living. Considering his running back squad, Manny did an OK job winning four tough games. However, it is hard to win when your RB’s are averaging 6 points per game. Perhaps Manny should have taken some notes from Julio and autodrafted his way into the playoffs.

You Bet Thank You (3-10) – This has been a heart breaking year for Henry. Perhaps it was his new job at Best Buy/ Geek Squad that took all his time? Perhaps Jadi rubbed some of his bad luck on Henry’s lips? This could explain Henry’s attitude, he did show some signs of aggression this season with his Jadi-like comments. Whatever the reason, you can’t win if you are not scoring more than your opponent. YBTY is the lowest scoring team in the league. Good Luck in Best Buy!


It was a great season. If you owe money, please pay the $140 entry fee immediately. I hate asking for the money. If you are not sure on your financial status, please click on the finances tab. It is up to date.




20 November, 2015 04:05

20 Nov Brownlee

Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPhone

2015 DAFL League Address

11 Jun

Greetings Fellow GM’s:

After an exciting 2014 season resulting in a Desnudas league championship, I bring you the 2015 State of the League Address.

First thing first, if you plan on leaving the DAFL, please advise ASAP so we can fill the spot.


This is up in the air. Last year some of us met at Juice’s apartment. Kimberly brought some delicious mortadella and motz which must become a standard


Proposed Draft Dates

MONDAY, AUGUST 31st @ 7:30 PM




Please respond on which day DOES NOT work for you. Once I hear from everyone I will choose the best date that works for the majority of GM’s.


Note that the NFL season begins on Thursday, September 10th…..Pittsburgh @ New England.



Assuming that Kimberly’s food stamps are still coming in, our budget this year’s budget will be slightly higher.


DAFL Flat Fee:                                 $120

Sportsline League Renewal:       $149.99 ($12.50 per team)

Toilet Bowl Payout :                      $20            ($1.67 per team)

Other (DAFL Bank):                         $60.00     ($5.00 per team)


Total Entry Fee – rounding to     $140


140 x 12 =                         $1,440.00

– 149.99

–   20.00

–   60.00


Total payout:                                  $1,210,00


75% or $907.50 to the DAFL Champion rounding to $905

25% or $302.07 to the runner-up rounding to $300

***note: if anyone has problems with the increase, please let me know. If multiple owners complain, I will adjust accordingly***



Rule Change: DRAFT ORDER

This year the draft re-ordering will only be hit once. Received lots of complaints about the 3x order. However, having an eyewitness while the commissioner does it is still mandatory.

Last year we did an experiment by charging $1.00 extra per transaction, ie waiver wire/trades, etc. Although there was no charge for the transactions, the extra amount gained was in the significant. The extra money can be used to increase the winnings, spread some money back to division champs, or whatever. More importantly, it will add a level of maturity to our waiver wire process. If you want a player bad enough, it may cost you $1.

 I propose we add a small fee to the waiver wire only. We could vote on implementing it as well as agree on the amount. Fee can be anywhere from .25¢ to $1.00 per waiver wire move.

 Any questions on this or any of the rules let me know or you can check all the rules, scoring system and the DAFL Constitution on the site under the League Home link then League details link on the drop down.



I will be purchasing the league for the 2015 season and will be sending out a draft as soon as I have another member from the league next to me. I will click the “reset draft order” button only once so the first notice you get will be the official draft order.

I have updated your team’s trophy case for 2014’s division and league titles. Go to the League Home tab then the History tab then Years tab to click the specific year you would like to review. The site has also updated league records which you can also find in the History tab.

Email me with any input or ideas you may have, or remind me of something I forgot to cover and let me know what draft day DOES NOT work for you.


Thank you,



DAFL Commissioner

GM – The Furriest of the Ferrets



2014 DAFL Season | XIV Championship Breakdown & Payout

3 Feb

Tuesday, February 3rd, 2015
Attention: Juice

2014 DAFL Season | XIV Championship Breakdown & Payout

Congratulations for advancing and excelling through the 2014 Post season. As part of the XIV DAFL Championship, you are entitled to eternal bragging rights as well as a monetary prize. Please see breakdown below.

$1436.22 collected for 12 DAFL subscriptions ($120.00 x 11 Teams + $116.22/JM, he was short $3.78). Below is the breakdown of fees:

  • $48.00 Trophy Fee. Reoccurring fee covers DAFL trophy cost of approximately $400 ($4 per team)
  • $160.00 Commissioner annual fee ($13.33 per team)
  • $20.00 Toilet Bowl Champion payout. Deduct $3.78 (2014), deduct 10 (for all the yrs he paid minus $1 of the total fee every year – Crooked Senators ($1.67 per team)
  • $20.00 Plaque fee. Engraved plaque with DAFL Champion to be added to trophy ($1.67 per team)

The Math: 48.00 + 160.00 + 20.00 + 20.00 = $248
The Pot: $1436 – $248 = $1188 (This $1188 will be divided between 1st and 2nd place winner)

DAFL Championship XIV Breakdown 1st Place:
75% of $1188 = $891.00 for Las Desnudas / Juice
DAFL Championship XIV Breakdown 2nd Place: 25% of $1188 = $297.00 for Big Ole TDs / Bal H

Loss/Owed Money: JM owes the DAFL $3.78 this season for only paying $116.22, As a result, he owes Juice $2.83 and Bal $.94 . You can contact Dog the Bounty Hunter He requires a $3k down payment.

Trophy: Hand made in Brooklyn by, The DAFL trophy known as “The Hubba Bubba”, is displayed in the DAFL Headquarters located in North Bergen. If the Champion would like to hold the trophy during the offseason, $105 deposit is required. This partially protects the league in the event of damage or total loss of the trophy. The entire deposit will be returned to the Champion at the draft in exchange for the trophy.

Thank You for participating in the DAFL. See you next season.


DAFL Commissioner | Owner of Furry Ferrets
2012 DAFL Champions | DAFL BLOG |
Support your local Ferret rescue