Archive | December, 2013

2013 DAFL Post Season- Round 1

5 Dec

2013 DAFL Post Season (ROUND 1):
#1 The Hudson JiZZwax – 1st round BYE
#2 Big Ole TD’s – 1st round BYE
#3 NB Attica vs #6 Hopelawn Maulers
#4 You Bet Thank You vs #5 NJ Gunslingers

2013 TOILET BOWL -aka- Loser’s Challenge- Post Season (ROUND 1)
#7 Furry Ferrets – 1st round BYE
#8 Chinas Latinas – 1st round BYE
#9 HoboKnights vs #12 Crooked Senators
#10 Las Desnudas vs #11 Miami Hustling

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2013 DAFL Post Season and a side of Thanks

5 Dec

Playoffs are on the way and we are seeing a 20% increase in DAFL profits when compared to last year. Here are some of the stats and facts collected through the season:

• Trash talking is on the rise again
• More owners are logging into our portal and spending more time on the site
• Everyone hates Jadi. However, Jadi understands DAFL’s mission, Trash Talk now. Say Sorry Never. Bravo. Now resume your Jim Kelly ways
• Kimberly is slacking as a commissioner and even more as the GM of the HoboKnights
• Manny proved once again he is a Fantasy genius after drafting what experts called the worst draft in DAFL history. He also has the best one liner comebacks when trash talking
• Balmoris’ 1st round pick, Jamaal Charles is the 2nd highest scorer among all 1st rounders. The team should be called Charles in Charge
• Juice likes to donate money to the DAFL once again based on his team’s record. Reminder to all, we are NOT a 501(c) corporation. That’s a nonprofit company for all you dummies
• Henry team is moon walking their way into the playoffs but I predict he will go farther than expected
• Julio failed to setup his lineup but still managed to kill the Ferret’s playoff hopes
• NJ Gunslingers are shooting blanks. They manage to make the playoffs even after losing 3 in a row
• Maulers have the technology to draft a decent team even from their mobile device. Luck or Autodraft?
• Has anyone heard from Juan?

BACK TO REALITY: 
It has been emotionally difficult year for several of our owners. Hope you are doing well. My thoughts are with you and your family. It puts life in perspective. I know we rag on each other during the season, just like big brothers do to their lesbian counterpart. However, you showed your true colors when it mattered. Our foundation has always been, “Trash Talk first..say Sorry NEVER” . Regardless, who would of guessed that a group of Dirty Animals would support one another? I would like to say Thank You from my side of the fence. Truly appreciate all that you’ve done. The phone calls, text messages, the visits to my house, allowing us to sleep in your house while we slowly transition back home, and just letting me cry without making fun of me. I’ve learned that some events can transform your life forever. Change it all in a blink of an eye. These events are daunting and truly test your will to live.
Although it has only been a few months since the season started, it feels like forever and a day. The night we met with Kimberly, Juice, and Martha (non DAFL owner at the time) regarding the 2013 DAFL season feels like a lifetime ago. I didn’t have it in my heart to run it and thought about shutting down the operations for the season or even longer. Juice and Kimberly thought otherwise. Kimberly paid for the league package out of her own pocket and took over the reins as Commissioner. She collected the monies from you and harassed you when given due cause. Kim is no Ferret but she does well for being a woman. Thank you Kimberly, I appreciate your help. All owners please take a second and thank her as well. It wasn’t an easy task…She Cowboy’d up in order to move forward. Guess her man crush with Jason Witten has finally paid off.

BACK TO BUSINESS and THE POST SEASON: 

The regular season has come and gone and this upcoming week begins our post season play.

I will send a warm congrats out to myself for being the defending DAFL Champion. A hand is currently patting my back…..That’s enough Kim. We won’t be able to defend it this year but hopefully I will see you in the Dos Amigos Bowl.

Congratulations to Big Ole TD’s for winning the newly named B1G-1 Division; North Bergen Attica for being able to survive in a 400 square foot apartment with wife, 2 kids, 100 pound dog, Cuban parents and still manage to win the Magnum East Division; Hudson JiZZ for winning the Welfare Division as he predicted following the draft; You Bet Thank You for being in the absolute worst division in the DAFL. This Division might be re-named the Big East.

Going into week 13, five teams were battling it out for the 2 wild card spots. The Ferrets – 5th highest scoring team in the league, Chinas Latinas – thanks to their great waiver wire pickups, HoboKnights – always in the mix, Gunslingers, and the Hopelawn Maulers. Gunslinger and Hopelawn won when it mattered so therefore they qualify as Wildcard teams (7-6 record). The first tie-breaker is Power Ranking. The NJ Gunslingers have the highest power ranking of the two.

DAFL Post Season: 
#1: The Hudson JiZZwax – 1st round BYE
#2: Big Ole TD’s – 1st round BYE
#3: NB Attica
#4: You Bet Thank You
#5: NJ Gunslingers
#6: Hopelawn Maulers

TOILET BOWL Post Season: 
#1: Furry Ferrets – 1st round BYE
#2: Chinas Latinas – 1st round BYE
#3: HoboKnights
#4: Las Desnudas
#5: Miami Hustling
#6: Crooked Senators

DOS AMIGOS BOWL
Winner of DAFL Championship vs Winner of Toilet Bowl

So some things to keep in mind going forward:

For the DAFL playoffs, bye week teams are to set their starting lineup as if they were playing. This is because in the event of a tie in the playoffs, the cumulative total of points scored by that each team to date is the first tie breaker.

Second and most important, ALL TEAMS COMPETING FOR THE TOILET BOWL are prohibited from ANY waiver wire or add drops from here on in. Any waiver or add drop move of any kind will result in immediate disqualification.
Meaning you simply go with the players you have on your roster regardless of if they are hurt or not.

Best of luck to all in the playoffs.