Archive | October, 2011

Week 4 Shakeup – By Mark Brownlee

5 Oct

Week 4 article was written by Mark Brownlee. I say we fire Kimmy as commissioner immediately and hire Mark.

Don’t agree? Then read his article below and you be the judge.

Week 4 Shakeup – By Mark Brownlee
It was a wacky week in the DAFL, with two games decided by a point or less, and a team that was left for dead at the starting gate roaring back to life. NJ Guns management took the unusual step of bringing his team to the grave of recently departed teammate Kenny Britt and and challenging them to step up and play like the champions they were supposed to be. They responded with a bloodthirsty dismantling of league doormat God Awful Ferrets.
Lil’ Kims Lazy Hoes turned in another lackluster effort vs. Los Desnudas. I think the film of that one is going straight to late night Cinemax.
The Hudson JizzFactory failed to produce enough spunk to knock off still undefeated DingleBerry Fairies, and the Hopeless Mewlers managed a less-than-one-point victory over equally hopeless YouBet-I Lose.
B-Town beat Crooked, and South Beach Refugees beat Screaming Mimo in well played matchups.
Next weeks Game of the Week: Lazy Hoes try to wear down the Fairy Juggernaut. The unstoppable force meets the immoral objects. Get the popcorn ready!

Submitted by NJ Guns League Scout James Hoffa, reporting from under the parking lot of MetLife Stadium, where the Giants still suck, regardless of their lucky break on a missed call by the officials in Arizona. Victor Cruz would be returning punts on the practice squad all week on our team.


DAFL Scoring system – Off Season

3 Oct

Agreed, on the congratulations. The Welfare Division can no longer claim to be the best. Not even the second best. Seriously, the Ferrets outscored the HoboKnights this week. As reported by Associated Press, the North Division was ranked the best caca talkers in the league. Rumors are they are the slowly climbing the ranks as the best Division overall. Can you say sleeper?

As stated by Jadi, “Balmoris’ team is the best team in the DAFL.” I personally don’t agree..Now the Ferrets need some help so I agree with Balmoris on this one. More points have been scored against us than any other DAFL team. Almost 100 points more than your team Bal. Not using this as an excuse, we are in the cellar right now and the only way to go is up. With that said, I am offering Ray Rice, best RB in the game hands down for 3 positions. I need an ace QB, RB, and WR. You could also take one of my QBs as part of the deal.

The Ferret will be restructuring the entire team in the coming weeks. We promise to be competitive and will make a late season run in the same fashion we do every year.

By the way, Ferrets are 1-4 with their only win against Las Desnudas. Take sum.


DAFL Scoring system – Off Season

3 Oct

A little early for this since any scoring changes/adjustments to our system should be done during the off-season.

Anyway, if you have any suggestions for next year regarding scoring, please email the commissioners. Kimberly will add to the agenda.

Some recommendations we have heard are:
– Giving the Defense/ST points for return yards
– Bonus points for extraordinary performances, ie points for throwing over 400 yards, rushing over 200 yards, pts for X amount of sacks, and so on
– Points for Blocked Field Goals
– Points per reception
……and so on
You can check out the following link for some more examples. If you are unable to view, let me know:

Obviously you can respond to this with comments. However please note the correct platform for this will be at our off-season meeting. All owners, even our PR teams are welcome. You can join via conference (if available). Teams from Miami are borderline welcomed since they are a little angry and their high IQ might stunt us.

Kimberly -aka- Bad Secretary, please file this and schedule a meeting during the off-season. I like my coffee light and sweet, starbucks would be a plus. Anyone else need to place an advanced coffee order for the meeting?


Jairo Paredes
#1 Commissioner in your hearts